Finding Balance When Life Gets Overwhelming

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to my growth club. My name is Emmanuel. [00:00:03] Speaker B: And my name is Gray. [00:00:04] Speaker A: We are your partner in growth and effective living. If today happens to be the first time you are here, welcome. I hope that you have a very wonderful time. If you've been here with us before, thank you. Thank you really for doing this. If you've not subscribed, we want to ask you to please subscribe to our channel today. We just want to talk to you guys. We've been having a lot of messages and mails from some of you. Prayer request, counseling session. And we just want to talk. We just want to talk about life. You know, I know many of you are going through a lot. A lot of you are just trying to do this life. Some of you married, some of you are not. Life is just tough, right? Life is tough for many of us. And I mean, especially as you grow. [00:00:52] Speaker B: It's. [00:00:52] Speaker A: It's just. It's just. It's just tough. I don't know, one thing after the other, one issue after the other, one problem after the other. I mean, some of you thought, like growing up after school, you get a job and things will be much easier and then. But, you know, sometimes it's like things are falling apart. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:01:15] Speaker A: You know. [00:01:16] Speaker B: You know, recently I was just talking to a friend and we're telling ourselves that we just wish were in the university. I think that was one of the most where someone gives you money, someone gives you money. But we're also adult be chased by men. And people like, you see, it was nice people like you. [00:01:31] Speaker A: At that time, we didn't really have a lot of responsibility. [00:01:34] Speaker B: It's like, okay, we gotta study. We can go, you know, do a lot of things. But now we have to make one decision upon one decision and take, you know, steps upon steps. And life in ISO, like you said, it gets tough. Really, really tough. You know, it's. It's not like everything is all said and we've been talking about constraints and everything. There's so much, you know, that we can have. [00:01:58] Speaker A: It's true. [00:01:59] Speaker B: That's what makes it very tough. Like, we can't just, you know, have that, you know, all 100% perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect job, a lot of money. We are all billionaires and we have our everything. We get everything we want, right? [00:02:14] Speaker A: You just make, you know, so all the wishes you made when you were young, like, blow the candle, blow the candle, make a wish. You thought like all of that were gonna just happen and then, boom. But that's not how things work, right? And so we, we just want to talk to you guys today because we've been there. I think we're still there. Some of you may be watching and probably wouldn't feel like that. You might feel like, nah, life is not tough. You know, life is actually wonderful. It's amazing. I, I think so too. I mean, but like, you can make. [00:02:48] Speaker B: It amazing in a tough way. [00:02:50] Speaker A: You know, it can be tough, it can be amazing. It can be both, you know, whatever life is, you know, to you, I think it's fair for us to talk about it, because this is one of the conversations that nobody talks about. In fact, you go to school, there's no cause or program on life. You know, there is a cause on, probably business, there is a cause on, you know, economics, literature, everything. There is no cause. Maybe there is. I know that in Harvard, for instance, there are people who teach happiness and all that. Maybe I may not, I don't know. But I mean, many of us never did a course on life, something that really. Because, I mean, life is bigger than we can imagine. And so you can teach life in one course or one program. There's so many aspects that make life the way it is. And so at some point, I think you may just want to bear that responsibility to figure that out for yourself. We did that when we had Ethan, and we shared this before where we were like, oh, boy, how do we raise this boy? You know, what should we teach him about his life? What should we help him know? And that's when we realized we didn't even know what this life was about ourselves. And I think that's the thing. So it becomes a roller coaster ride because, you know, it goes up and it comes down and it's like, of course, for many people, it's adventurous. Like, I like the adventure. I, I just don't want a boring life. Like, I just want a life that things do happen. But to a great extent, this can be very frustrating, right? When things go well, things go, you know, you, you, you probably give birth and then sometimes you lose someone, or you probably have this, you get a pregnancy, you lose, like, so many things. [00:04:45] Speaker B: You buy this, lose it. [00:04:47] Speaker A: You know, so many things just happen in life that. Oh, gosh, sometimes, listen, I feel you guys, right? I feel you guys and I, I mean, we've been there and we, we wouldn't say that we have perfect life. Life, I mean, to the standard of many of you. And if you followed us, we've been a huge advocate for defining what a. [00:05:11] Speaker B: Successful life means to. [00:05:13] Speaker A: Means to you, because whether life is going to be fine, whether life is going to be tough, whatsoever. It is. Of course some things are objectively true, but many times it's just the way you define things and the way you see things. So that's what we're going to do today and we're going to just try and share with you what we learned when we began this pursuit because we needed this for us. We needed it. It was going to be a guide for both of us to relate better with each other and for us to do things well. And it was also going to be a guide for us to be better parent to our children. And so it wasn't something that was going to live inside of our head, it was something that we were going to put down. Funny enough, it just didn't become a document or, you know, a model, it became a product. Yeah, right. And for those of you who don't know about our effective living model, this is how it looks. It's available on Amazon, you want to check it out. But we built a whole journal out of what we learned and that's exactly what we are going to share with you just by talking about the effective living model for a bit. Many of you have seen that, but you don't really know what this is about. And so Grace and I are going to try and talk about what this model is about. How, how can this model help you live a better life? How can it help you as a young guy who probably just finished tertiary or university, or as a young guy who just probably married not long or you're planning to marry or you're trying to just figure things out? I tell you this, it's going to change your life. So you don't want to go anywhere. Just stick with us and we're going to do this in some few minutes. Let's talk about the effective living model and how that can help many people who just like us, trying to figure this life, you know, out. [00:07:00] Speaker B: Yeah. So this model has actually been a game changer, I can see with all certainty because like we rightly said with the introduction, there's so much happening in life, right? And you still need to live it. You still need to figure it out. You can't just complain, sit at one place and say, okay, life is hard. Yeah, I, I can't figure it out. You still, you still have that, you still have that job, you still have those kids. You still, you are still in that. [00:07:27] Speaker A: You in there. [00:07:28] Speaker B: You are in there. So you need to be able to figure it out. And that's what we have been trying to do. And I think it's been so helpful. One of the key things that I. Is the foundation for this module is love. [00:07:42] Speaker A: Yes, love. [00:07:43] Speaker B: It's love. Love is basically the predisposition of our heart, what we value. [00:07:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:50] Speaker B: You can love so many things like we've talked about right now. [00:07:53] Speaker A: Right. [00:07:54] Speaker B: Like, it's just the reason why we are saying it's hard because I don't think we have just one thing that we maybe we love or we value is because we value so many things and we want to get it right. And because we can't have everything, what we love is very important. [00:08:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:09] Speaker B: That's so profound because, you know, and, and by saying this, we need to figure out. Okay. Yes. At this point in my life, I think you, you always say this, that people. Things that we love varies over time. Like I talked about university when I was investing. [00:08:24] Speaker A: You were like, you know, this is what. [00:08:26] Speaker B: Yeah, I just want to get this. I love my schooling. That's important in that moment, you know, but as you grow, things change. Right. Okay, I'm done with the school. Maybe I love my career. I like people, start families and all that. Right. So how do we determine what we should love? [00:08:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:43] Speaker B: And we talk about something called essentials and non essentials. [00:08:47] Speaker A: Yeah, that's so important. [00:08:48] Speaker B: Being able to, you know, I've seen so many. We've not lived on it for long, but at least we've. We've been here for quite some time. [00:08:55] Speaker A: But of course, we are over 30. So there's the same people. That's. That's a good number of years. [00:09:00] Speaker B: Yes. To be able to see a lot of things that, you know, whether it's in our life or in the life of other people. We've seen people maybe claim that, okay, I love maybe this part of my life. Like someone can say, okay, I. I really love money. [00:09:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:18] Speaker B: You know, so maybe having a good man, you know, or having a particular type of man, someone was okay, I would prefer money over. [00:09:27] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:09:30] Speaker B: I don't care whether the person even loves me or not. Because in the moment we think that, that money is important. And then let's say you go for that person and eventually you are not getting the love that you want. You are not getting the person to. [00:09:43] Speaker A: Be there for the affection. [00:09:44] Speaker B: The affection is not time making time for you. [00:09:47] Speaker A: Or they just even have a terrible character. [00:09:49] Speaker B: They just even have a terrible character. So I know that we can't put pen to paper and say that, okay, these are Essentials in life. But like I said, we've been here for some time. So we can all admit that there are certain things that are essential. Essential. There's some things that are right, of course, some of them may vary in people's life as and when, but there are certain key. And I feel like that's one thing that at the core of it, people should be able to figure out in life. Because you cannot love everything. [00:10:19] Speaker A: It's true. It's true. And this is so profound. What you love matter, what you value. When we say love, what we're talking about is what is your treasure? You know, what do you treasure? What do you treasure most? You know it. When you love a team, you know how. How the. The sasses and the well being of the team makes you feel and how their failure makes you feel. I mean, when our team were kicked out of playoff, I could tell my wife says how she was so sad and because our team was knocked out. And that's the thing when you love someone, when you love something, your emotions. This is what drives almost everything in our lives. Many of us, the frustration we're getting right now is simply because of what we love. Whether we are getting it or whether we are not getting it. Some people are happy because they get the things they love and they think that that is a good life. But it's just, you know, what you love is what is determining how you feel. [00:11:24] Speaker B: That's true. [00:11:25] Speaker A: That's the problem. What you love is determining how you feel. If you love someone, when they win, you're happy. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:34] Speaker A: When they lose, you are sad, it affect you. [00:11:37] Speaker B: Remember recently I was asking you that. I'm sure the playoffs is not getting a lot of viewership because if it was my team. [00:11:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:44] Speaker B: Everyone would be watching, you know, because I love them. [00:11:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Because that's the thing. And many people say, oh, maybe it's just about like. But there's a. There's a thing about love. Love is not just about liking. Love is something, is about treasuring. It's about something being important to you. It's something being of value to you over other things. See, I can like many things, but when I love something, I put that thing above the other things that I like. Exactly. So you can like women, but if you love a woman, you put that woman above the women you like. You know, you can like some kind of maybe men, but if you love a man, you put them. And that's the whole point of what we, we all want in life. And not only is it Important for you to be careful with what you love. It's important for you to understand your need for love. A lot of us, many of the things that we are chasing is just because of a deep seated need for some kind of love or for a love from some kind of people who are important to us. When I was young, I had a, I had a friend, you know, and, and I, he had two brothers and the, the, the big brother was very intelligent. He used to be first, you know, second, third and, and the dad will do so many crazy things for him. Like, like those, they'll do everything party. And then the, the second guy wasn't so smart in class. And so he wasn't always like, he wasn't fast or any of that. He was like 20 something. And the dad would treat the big one special. And so this, my friend, is the third born. And because of what he saw and he wanted his daddy's love. I mean, I think what he thought was if to get this kind of, you know, praise, honor and this love. [00:13:45] Speaker B: Your dad, he need to do this. [00:13:47] Speaker A: And that guy would do everything. In fact, if he's not in a particular position, he would do like his reality was, was a false reality. Like he would do everything because he wanted that love so bad. And so if you are someone who's starting life, take it from us. Begin with what you love and begin with, you know, the things that you, you, you want, the things that you value, the things that are important to you and the people that are important to you, the people that you love. Because they drive most things in your life than you can actually admit. They determine how you feel, they determine how you live. And so if you really want to have things turned around, if you want to live better, I will just advise you to begin with what you love and why. Why do I love these things? What is important to me? And just like you talked about separating the essentials from the non essential, not everything is essential. Not saying that they're not important. I'm saying that not everything is essential. Okay? Now during our research on life, what we realize is the essential things. No, you know, because, you know, what I love is important, but what is more important is what should I love? [00:15:09] Speaker B: Yeah, what should I love? [00:15:11] Speaker A: And so we were like, okay, what should we love? Okay, this is what we love, but why do we love it? And then the second part of it is what should we love? And we said we were going to love the essential things, but what are the essential things? So we had to do a lot of Reading we read probably one of the longest research that has, that has been done by any institution. It was done by Harvard University. I think it's still on course, about 80 something years right now. And it was about life and happiness, human happiness and, and what they notice about the human life. And the number one thing that they said was the most essential, you know, to life and happiness and well being was relationships. [00:15:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:54] Speaker A: So we, we wrote them down. We're like, oh, wow. It's like they followed a lot of people. Some of them even became president in the United States, them through their young age, you know, to when they became adults. And then they realized that the single most predictor of happiness and well being was relationships. And it's not like just any relationship, like oh my, maybe friends. No, it's that kind of having people who care about you, people that you are able to be one with. Right. And it was so eye opening. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:30] Speaker A: So we wrote that, we wrote that down. We said, well, what is going to be essential to us is number one, relationships number two. We also notice that for many people, what is important to them is wealth. Right. [00:16:46] Speaker B: What? [00:16:46] Speaker A: You know, come on, you want to buy, you want to be able to afford something. And I think that the reason why these things were important because of the freedom that it gives us. [00:16:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:16:58] Speaker A: I mean, without wealth, many people are not free. [00:17:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:02] Speaker A: So we do jobs we don't like for many years. Why? Because we want money. Right. [00:17:09] Speaker B: But you can't afford anything. [00:17:11] Speaker A: Right. Many people just kind of think it's just a pay, but it's really just about wealth. So we wrote that down and the other one that we saw was also health. Okay. Maybe if we have to prioritize, we would probably change it and put health. But many people without health, everything falls apart. [00:17:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:32] Speaker A: Right. [00:17:33] Speaker B: You can have money, you can have all the best beliefs in life, you can move everything. Yeah. [00:17:39] Speaker A: For many people as they grew older, health became the most fundamental thing in their life. Like they cared about their health more than anything. Because without the health, it's like everything they've built in life was going to fall apart. Some people probably started prioritizing their health very late. Right. And they probably regret it. Maybe they got some doctor saying something, they were diagnosed with something and it was like, so we said we gonna, oh wow. Health was important. So we wrote that down. So if you look at the model, you notice all these, you know, four things which, the fourth one being work, slash impact. This drives us to every extent. You know, I used to think, okay, maybe wealth Was what is important? Health. And then we talked to our counselor who is like over 70 something years. He said he still works. And we're like, why do you work? He says, because what else will I be doing? Like, there's nothing fun. But then he has his own business, and so he's able to still keep working. For some people, they go on retirement and it's like their whole life has come to an end. And so we said, wow, this is important. So if you look at the model, what we did was we placed those four together. There is relationships, there is health, there is work and impact, and there is wealth. And we encourage you. I mean, if you take this model for the kind of work and research that went into it from us, it will change your life. I remember we watched something, we were listening to some old people share about their life. And for someone, it's like, well, when I was young, I had this, I had that, I had that. Then I didn't have this, you know, and for some people, I had money. But then my relationships fell apart. For some people, oh, I had relationships, great relationship. [00:19:32] Speaker B: But I didn't have money to keep my. [00:19:35] Speaker A: My wife just left to keep our family together. And my children didn't have the right development because I couldn't afford the most essential things for them. So it's like, oh, so it's not really one thing in particular that will make us happy. What we are really looking for is balance. All of us are seeking for balance. Balance between our health, our relationships, our working impact, and our wealth. This is one thing we saw that it was so difficult for people to do. We've shared this before about a video we watched. That one guy said, well, my marriage didn't work because I brought stress home. Because he was building his work, like his business, and then he was so frustrated, and when he comes home, he's not able to disconnect. [00:20:25] Speaker B: He's not able to disconnect. Yep. [00:20:27] Speaker A: And so for many of you who are listening to us right now, here's what we want to share with you. What you need to strive for is balance. [00:20:35] Speaker B: Yeah, right. [00:20:36] Speaker A: And the way we can achieve balance is two things. And lady is going to talk about them. One is having a growth mindset, and. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Two is having wisdom, I think, for growth mindsets. That's. That's why we even started our leadership organization, the Grace Live Leadership Center. At the core of it, you know, we are raising leaders who are on a pursuit of growth. [00:20:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:59] Speaker B: To be able to get all these things, all these four areas, you Know essential things, you know, going on. You need to have a growth mindset. Growth mindset is basically the predisposition of a person's mind towards growth. [00:21:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:15] Speaker B: Being committed to continuous improvement and continuous, you know, learning. Right. [00:21:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:22] Speaker B: You want to maybe have like good relationship. [00:21:26] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:21:27] Speaker B: You know, make wealth, all that get your, your but you, you cannot say that. Okay. Yeah. Grace me. This is the best I can do. [00:21:35] Speaker A: That's who I am. [00:21:36] Speaker B: This is who I am. All my work and impact. Because for some people you even need some particular kind of work or some levels at your workplace to be able to afford certain things to be able to. Now get to your first because you can have six kids and yeah, relationship is important. You have the family, you have the wife, you have the. You can take care of them. Then it becomes a problem which is. [00:21:55] Speaker A: Very common in Africa. And many of us eventually inherit our parents responsibilities is like they give back to sex and then you have to take over and take care of them. [00:22:07] Speaker B: So anyway, but you know, being deliberate and being committed to growth. [00:22:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:14] Speaker B: Right. So maybe I'm at a point in my life, let's say, let me use an example. Career. You see a lot of. There are some institutions that maybe even growth is very. You can predict. [00:22:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:26] Speaker B: There are some places too. Until the boss dies, nobody, nobody gets in anywhere. [00:22:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:32] Speaker B: And. And people get stuck that some places. What am I doing to be better? Maybe I'm iron. It can. It can be in a different role, a different company. You need to be committed. Okay, let me ask them. You just don't need to be comfortable and where you are being committed. Okay, let me take sometimes taking certain courses, taking certain, you know, adding some credentials to help you. [00:22:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:56] Speaker B: Or sometimes taking courses to even start setting business and doing it well. Because people even say okay, I'm going to be an entrepreneur. And then it just collapsed. Because they are not committed to growth, committed to learning how to be very efficient, how to be very effective. So having a growth mindset or even let's take relationships, you can have that we can be the best people on earth. But if we have fixed mindsets, it's not. Our relationships will break because we've all been stuck. Okay. This is how I am. [00:23:25] Speaker A: There's no change. [00:23:26] Speaker B: When I was growing maybe like me for example, I grew in the house of the Queen of England. So there are lots of things that maybe you're not used to. I need, I need people to, you know, open the doors for me or something that is just. I'm joking by the way. But maybe how? [00:23:40] Speaker A: I mean, like, no one believes. Actually you should believe no one. No one believes that. [00:23:46] Speaker B: But the fact that maybe I grew up there and maybe I have people serving me and now I don't have it, like, or maybe the fact that I didn't have certain things growing up doesn't mean I cannot be better. And that is growth. It's okay. Maybe I don't know how to keep my house. How do I? I am committed. It's like being committed to growth. [00:24:06] Speaker A: Like setting your mind, Setting your mind on growth, which is, which is very important. I mean, this is profound and I hope that you guys can get it because you cannot achieve this balance. Right. Without a growth mindset. Like you said, growth mindset is simply setting your mind on growth. [00:24:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:26] Speaker A: It means that I am seeking growth. I look for growth, I want growth. This is the only way that allow you to take feedback. This is the only way that will push you from your comfort zone. And so because you're always seeking for growth. [00:24:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:42] Speaker A: And so balance is not something that you get to achieve once and it's it. No. Everything will depreciate in value without growth. Money would depreciate in value if it is not being committed to something that grows. Yeah, that's it. That's what we invest. And many people we talked about compound interest. Like people just want to have things all at a time. A lot of us, the frustration in our life is just because we want to achieve it all at a time. It doesn't work that way. Setting your mind on growth means you're not trying to think about how to get it all at a time or how to achieve all this at a time. [00:25:23] Speaker B: Taking. [00:25:23] Speaker A: But how do I take incremental. Because that's what you want to have. Growth is incremental improvement. You know, it's. It's one step getting better and getting better and compounded. That's what growth is about. And so people who just want to wait and one day maybe they can just change their health. No, committing to growth, setting your mind on growth means that you then begin to think, what are the healthy habits that I have to. I have to adopt when it comes to my health? What are the. The habits that I need to adopt when it comes to my finances? And then you do it one at a time. You continue to improve and go, if you keep your money down without committing it to something that grows, it is going to depreciate. [00:26:11] Speaker B: You said it's so profound. I think we. Anytime we want to explain what growth mindset this is the best example because I, when you were talking, I just thought about something. If I had hundred dollars about twenty years ago. [00:26:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:23] Speaker B: Imagine I just kept it under and. [00:26:25] Speaker A: You put it there. [00:26:26] Speaker B: And, and as opposed invest, like just even investing it into. [00:26:30] Speaker A: Yeah, investing. [00:26:30] Speaker B: It's a low risk. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Investing means you're committing it to something that grows. [00:26:33] Speaker B: Yes. What would have happened to that hundred dollars? And then I suppose it being under my bed. [00:26:38] Speaker A: That's, that's the difference. That's what growth is. So when you see. So some people say, well, this hundred means nothing. Yeah, no, everything means something if you commit it to something that grows. I hope, I hope you get that. Yeah, it means something if you commit it to something that grows. If you commit your skills to something that grows, your skills will mean something. But what like you talked about the work and impact. Many people don't commit their skills to anything that grows. If you find yourself in a team or a workplace that is not committed to growth, you will notice that with time your skills become redundant. [00:27:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:12] Speaker A: But the more you commit your skills to something that grows, the more you improve. And so growth mindset, it is. It's like the fertilizer, sincerely, that allows everything to grow, that allows these essential areas to grow. Without it, if you meet someone without growth mindset, it's this. There's nothing you can do. It's going to be frustrating. Your relationship is going to break. Because it is. No one is committed to growing. No one wants to grow, no one wants to improve, no one wants to get better. But if you allow this growth. Mahi said, like, that's why when you look at the image, it's just that thing that is in there, but it is what supplies, you know, strength and nutrients to almost every other thing. The other one is also wisdom. Yeah, it's as it increases, it increases. [00:28:05] Speaker B: Yeah. I think we've talked about wisdom on this podcast. Being what, Knowing what to do with knowledge. [00:28:11] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:28:12] Speaker B: Because there's so much information. Like. Yeah, I, I remember back on campus we will see advertisement for programs like how to have a good relationship, how to have. Then we'll be running or making money. Right. Or that we go for several summits and everything because we were trying to get a lot of knowledge. But now how you translate all those things into something, something useful is what wisdom is. Wisdom is almost like a toolkit that helps these areas to flourish. [00:28:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:44] Speaker B: You need wisdom to be able to, you know, know how to maybe even deal with certain types of people at the workplace. [00:28:52] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:28:52] Speaker B: Need wisdom to be Able to know how to, okay, what do I teach my child at this age? Or how do I deal with my in laws? How do I Wisdom. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Wisdom. [00:29:01] Speaker B: Because you can have the best of men, or sometimes just not knowing how to deal with your in laws or external forces will just break your marriage. Right? And like you said, sometimes we even get to focus on our health late later in life, right? But if you have, you get wisdom. The Bible says in all your gettings gets wisdom. So if you get wisdom, you know that, okay, this is good for me at this time, relating to my health, even wisdom, you can, in terms of your wealth making, you need wisdom to be able to know, okay, do I invest here? Do I start this business? Do I start that? [00:29:34] Speaker A: What should I do? At what time? How should I go about it? You know, when you began, you said, wisdom is knowing what to do with knowledge. I think that's so profound. I mean, to even get it more specific, wisdom is knowing what to do with what kind of knowledge, Right? [00:29:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:50] Speaker A: In what kind of situation. [00:29:53] Speaker B: That's true, actually. So, so yeah, you can be faced with the same situation, but sometimes wisdom, exactly. [00:30:00] Speaker A: Because you have knowledge, you have a lot of knowledge. We have a lot of information right now. But how do I know this is the knowledge to apply at this particular moment? Right. So what do I do with this knowledge that I have in this particular situation? I'll give you an example of, you know, the wise King Solomon, two women, one slept on the baby, they brought the situation there. Solomon looks at them, he's able to tell, oh, and so he makes what we call good judgment. Why? Because he knew, right. What to do in that instance, what, what knowledge to apply in that instance. So he says, bring me a knife. In any other situation, that would be stupid. Yeah, right. But knowing what to do. And so it's not necessarily about being wr, all right? It's just about applying the right knowledge in the right situation at the right time found. And that is what wisdom does. And I, I think that if you look at the model, you notice that wisdom provides skills, you know, to our work and impact our relationships. And then it goes the other way to our wealth and eventually to our health. And the reason is because what wisdom then do for you is it, it provides skills. It gives you what we call skills because you are applying this knowledge and applying it and applying, and you build what is called mastery when you begin to walk in wisdom, right? That is when you begin to ask yourself, what do I do with knowledge? This knowledge that I have, you know, and then you begin to just think about, what do I do with this skill? What do I do? Like, what is the best possible use of this knowledge? What is the best possible use of this money I have at this particular time? What is the best possible use of this thing at this. Now we. The timing is important because you will just, I mean, you, you and I know that recently I just fooled around, you know, you know, because there was a decision that I, I should have made and I didn't because the time is important. So what is the best possible use of this at this time? I think, and that is wisdom. And I think what, what happens is when you begin walking in wisdom, it leads to the second, you know, probably higher thing, which, which is what we call values. This is one of the things that we realize from our research that a lot of people lack. Values, in my opinion, is where our character is. This is, this is what a person's character is about. Many people say, how do I know someone's character? How do I know my character? Well, two things. Principles and priorities. [00:32:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:42] Speaker A: If you want to know a person's character, look at what they prioritize and the principles that governs their actions. [00:32:49] Speaker B: You are so right. Right. Let me pick one of the four essential areas of our lives that we've identified and talked about today. For example, I say that, okay, my family is important to me, but there are no principles around. Maybe. Okay, at this time, I, you know, in our family we have. Alexa will keep reminding us on Saturday when it's 8:30 or it's family time. Right, Right. Or it's time to take Ethan out, you know, so that you ask, let's say if you come and visit us and you hear Alexa making this comment, you don't need to even know. We don't need to tell you. You automatically know that. Oh yeah, their family is important to them. [00:33:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:29] Speaker B: This aspect, and it says it's gym time. Our health is in because. [00:33:33] Speaker A: Exactly. Your calendar, your calendar. [00:33:35] Speaker B: Always say that. Look at a person's calendar. Someone will say, what if I don't have a calendar? The calendar, in your mind, the calendar. [00:33:41] Speaker A: Reviews more of your priorities than anything else. [00:33:45] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:33:45] Speaker A: If I look at your calendar, I can tell your priorities. But principles are different. [00:33:50] Speaker B: Are different. They are like you can have a. [00:33:51] Speaker A: Priority in your calendar, but you know, they are not endorsed because you don't have it. Principles. It means that you say, I will eat at 6 o' clock. When it's 6 o' clock, you don't do it. [00:34:03] Speaker B: Like recently I said, okay, I'm not going to eat after. I said after some time yesterday. Remember around 11, I had watermelon and you were like, wait, I thought you said that's your principle that you're not going to eat after seven. And I'm like, it's a fruit, you know? [00:34:21] Speaker A: And it was. Because that's the thing. That's what we do. So we lack principles when we cannot stick to what we said we would do. [00:34:29] Speaker B: Being intentional, being deliberate. [00:34:31] Speaker A: That is why many people say that integrity is one of the fundamental principles that. That probably maybe outweighs almost all the others. It's like when someone is not. If someone can't keep their word. [00:34:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:46] Speaker A: It's difficult for you to. For instance, marriage. Okay. The test of if someone is going to be with you is if they mean what they say. [00:34:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:55] Speaker A: Because when we married and everyone, they say, well, do you take this person as your so so and so and so? Then they said to love and to hold. Then they say, this is this. They say, for better, for worse. But then when you realize. What you realize is that when they get worse, that's when many people are no more there. [00:35:13] Speaker B: That's not what I signed up. [00:35:14] Speaker A: The reason is because what they say, they often don't mean. Yeah. And so I'm sure a lot of. [00:35:20] Speaker B: People can't even remember their marriage vows, I think. [00:35:22] Speaker A: Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because. Come on. Like, it's almost like that the. The terms and terms and conditions, we just close. Like you say, accept, acknowledge all the time. [00:35:33] Speaker B: I'm sure by this time, owing to. Seen a lot of things, because there have been some clauses embedded in culture. [00:35:38] Speaker A: Because everyone just like no one reads it. And that's. That's the way marriage vows have become. But it's important because you see, everything is about what you say and what you do. Every part. That's why this is a higher part of our model. This because it's what governs everything. Many of us are seeking for balance. We're seeking for freedom. Finances. We say we. Okay, well, this is my budget. A budget is committing, again, your finances towards a particular thing. [00:36:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:36:09] Speaker A: And so you say, okay, we're going to spend this, we're going to spend that. My calendar is committing my energy towards particular things that are important to me. Okay. So I'm also going to do this. I'm going to do that. So mostly for those I mentor, I always ask them, I want to see your calendar and I want to see your budget, because those two will tell me a lot about what your priorities are. What you love, what are essential to you, what are not. It's like those two reviews so much. And many times what I see is that without principles they don't commit to them. [00:36:40] Speaker B: No. [00:36:40] Speaker A: So they say, I'll do this, I'll do that. Then I say, okay, now let me see what you've done. And you notice that they've not done much. Many of us are like that in our workplace. We don't get a lot of things done because zero principles. Many of us have our work and our relationships conflicting because of lack of principles. You know, you don't have a time. You close, you don't have. [00:37:01] Speaker B: Okay, you need to pick calls. [00:37:03] Speaker A: The principle is for you to say. Exactly, is to say, I will not pick any call at this time. I will not use my phone, social media at this time. I will not keep my phone by my bed because I want to have good rest because of my health. A principle is for you to say, I'm going to close at this time so that I can have time for my child. A lack of principle, on the other hand, is when you decide. It's like, I feel this and then you do it. [00:37:28] Speaker B: You do it. I, I have to be at this place. [00:37:30] Speaker A: I want to get this, like I feel hungry, I go and eat. I feel this. Okay. I want so that you don't have a sleeping time, you don't have a time. You wake up, you don't have a time. You call, you just, you just call anyone anytime, randomly. You lack. Maybe that's your principle. But many times people who have principles are people who, people I think are essentialist. They focus on the things that are essential and they comedy a time to it. They say, you know what? I'm not going to be on social media, I'm not going to be here or I'm not going to be on this at this time. You know, it's always about this time. It's not necessarily because they're not important, but it's like I'm committing my energy to this at this time, and that's what I'm going to do. [00:38:12] Speaker B: I think we should throw a challenge maybe just for one week for those listening to us just take, take the step. [00:38:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:17] Speaker B: Decide that this week we, we have eight hours at work, depending on what you're doing or if you're working for yourself to. Yeah, you have a particular work time, tell yourself the times you want to touch your phone, the times you don't want to just do it for five days and see how much work we can get done because exactly. We spend so much time on non essentials at work. You know, sometimes somebody and then now by 4 o' clock, that's when our energy, we feel like, hey, this work is stressful. You just try. If Those of you 8 to 5 just try this and then send it to us, just have principles around it. Right. Just try it for five days and you will see how much work you can get done, how much time you can even have for your family, how much time you can have for that. Those, you know, dreams of finishing a book or reading something. [00:39:04] Speaker A: It will change your life. [00:39:05] Speaker B: Change your life and send us the feedback. [00:39:08] Speaker A: Principles will change your life. It will change every aspect of your life. You have to have principles. Principles will set the boundaries for the things that are important to you. It will also will fool you to get the things that are important to you done. When we were writing this journal, we committed to some things, this podcast. We have two children, but we commit. We went to church this morning, we came back, we're like, okay, we're going to do recording at that time and we try to stick to it now by the way, it doesn't mean we get it all done every day. Yeah, this is the battle. This is where the temptations are. This is the place for growth. This is the root room. You see, without principles you cannot even tell the room for growth exactly. For yourself. [00:39:49] Speaker B: That's profound. [00:39:49] Speaker A: But when you have principle, you begin to realize, oh boy, I have built all these things even into my work system so that, you know, all the things that I say I'll do, I have to take what I did them or not. [00:40:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:40:03] Speaker A: And so it's able to help me measure. You can get them also on mygrothclub.org Anyway, our notion system other and so I take them and so some of the things that I realized I can't do them sometimes it's not a matter of principle, it's just a matter of not being able to have the energy. It's like I don't have the bandwidth for it. And so I click delegate. It's important to me, but I can't do it and so I delegate it. So. But if you don't have principles, you don't, you don't live like this. You just live anyhow. You just do the things that you want to do anyhow. But this is all time will permit us. Check out our model. It's going to change your life. Get our effective living journal. It's going to bless you and get our effective living systems that are available on our website, mygrowthclub.org and they're going to change your life. You can also join a club. We're building a community. It's gradual. Very soon we will be having more meetings and more engagement. And to make, make sure you join so that we can have these conversations with you and probably take your questions and answer them and see how best we all can live better. Well, thank you so much, my wife, beautiful wife, for being here with us, guys. Thank you. If you've not subscribed to our channel, please go ahead and do so right now. And we are gonna catch you guys another time. Bye. Bye. [00:41:26] Speaker B: Bye.