Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: So, like, you talked about honesty. I wasn't honest with myself. Well, of course that's why you got that, because maybe you want this. But you told yourself, oh, I'll let it matter. And then now you realize that it really matters.
Oh, me, I don't really like money. Oh, yeah, of course.
And I was like, oh, but are you sure? It's like, oh, yeah. Oh, of course.
Yeah. Because you were not honest with yourself. And so you got in there because you never really told yourself the truth or like, I didn't care about.
Beauty is really not my thing. It's not true. Now you get in there, it's like, ah, like, that girl is beautiful.
[00:00:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:00:36] Speaker A: Like nobody, nobody put a gun and saying, don't marry someone beautiful. You told yourself, oh, you know, for me, I just like tall girls and I don't really like it.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: I was recently talking to a friend. I know he will be watching, so he can attest to. He was asking me that by way. Grace, you've been married for seven years, almost seven years already. How do you put away. Is it that you don't see any other beautiful, you know, woman or handsome guy? Like, how are you guys just, you know, because he's not married, but today he sees a joy and it's like, beautiful.
I was just like. I was like, yeah, you, you'll be able to, you know. But I think that's a very important point.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: So if you're gonna get out of that, it would definitely begin with being radically honest, truthful with yourself.
[00:01:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:21] Speaker A: What do you really want? Like, I don't know what I want. No, you do know what you want. Like, stop that.
Hello and welcome to my growth club. My name is Emmanuel.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: And my name is Grace.
[00:01:33] Speaker A: We are your partner in growth and effective living. Thank you for tuning in and thank you for always being here. If today happens to be the first time that you are tuning in, welcome. This is a place that you're gonna love because we are committed to growth and effective living. We have a lot to share with you, so why don't you go ahead and hit the subscribe button right now.
And you're just gonna love it here. I promise you that. We have our general Effective Living Journal. This is how it looks like it on Amazon. Go ahead and get it. Effective Living Journal. You're gonna love it with all this just beautiful mappings, you know, about how you can live your life and how you can turn things around. Today we're going to discuss something that I'm hoping that you will love in A previous episode, we talked about how to escape the people pleasing truck. Many of us are in that and we just don't even realize. Today we are going to talk about what people should do when they feel stuck. Do you feel stuck? Do you feel stuck in your life?
[00:02:30] Speaker B: I'm so stuck. I need savior at this point.
[00:02:34] Speaker A: But on, on a more serious note, do you feel stuck? Do you feel stuck maybe in your marriage, in your life, in your career? Like you just don't know what is happening. You don't see any way forward. You just feel like, is this how things are going to be? You know, for how long are things going to be like this? Like, I, I really can't continue like this. I'm, I'm stressed, I'm tired and stuff like that. Do you feel stuck in any area of your life? Do you feel stuck in life?
[00:03:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: Stick around because today's episode is really going to be very helpful to you.
What do you think people should do?
[00:03:07] Speaker B: Huh?
I think one key thing that is important on a journey of growth.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: With which we are going with everyone is it's okay, right. To come to a point in your life where you feel like you are stuck because.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:25] Speaker B: Acknowledging it alone is, is good enough. Because prolonging, you know, sometimes some people feel like, oh, they are not happy, they are not, they are just not themselves. But then they've not really admitted to themselves that, oh, I feel like something is wrong or pause.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: For a second to okay, acknowledge. Okay, I feel stuck in this area of my life or that area of my life. So I think the first critical thing, even before we go into, you know, do this, do that, do that, is that acknowledging it's okay being honest with you, being unhappy, being mad at the world, you know, it's not going to help you just be stagnant. There'll be no area to grow. So the first step is for people to be very honest.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:10] Speaker B: You know that. Okay. Yes, I'm really stuck at this point in my life or this area.
[00:04:16] Speaker A: But are they stuck?
[00:04:19] Speaker B: They're unhappy anyway. Like, we are happy, we feel troubled. We feel like we are just mad at the world, mad ourselves, you know, have a lot of things going on. So yes, we may be stuck in other aspect of our life or in a particular aspect of our life. Right. But again, to your point, you just made are we stuck? Indeed. And that's.
[00:04:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:40] Speaker B: One other thing that we need to consider because if I guess they feel.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: Stuck, they really feel stuck. And because often it's just that they don't see a way forward.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:04:54] Speaker A: I feel stuck in my marriage if I don't see a way forward. It's like, this guy is not changing or this girl is not changing. It's like we fighting over the same thing over and over again. Like, we are just in this situation. Some people will say, we've tried therapy. It didn't work. We've gone for marriage counseling. It didn't work. And so it's like, you know what?
Or there's some people who also have, like, maybe in their career, they just, like, this is all I could have done. Like, I have this certification. I have this. I have that. And now it's like, I'm in a position where there's nothing I can do. I can't kill my boss.
You get what I mean? I can't leave my job. That's the way we think. And so that feeling of, I'm just stuck in here, like, right now, I just don't see the way forward.
And so we try to kind of dance around and to your point, being honest and telling yourself that, well, again, am I stuck? Indeed, you know? Indeed, you know? Or is it just a feeling I have because I want more?
[00:05:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:54] Speaker A: And by the way, there's nothing wrong with wanting more sincerely. I think that a lot of times we try to punish ourselves for wanting better for ourselves. Like, we punish ourselves for wanting more and for one. And better. And many times, because the desire itself and the want itself feel like you are ungrateful. You are not being appreciative of what.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: You have, the things you have.
[00:06:18] Speaker A: Exactly. And for some people, too, they turn that desire into competition. They say, well, look at someone else. Look at someone else. No, it can actually end with you. It can end with the feeling you have that I just want more because of abcd, and that's fine. Like, right now, I want a lot of money.
[00:06:37] Speaker B: The things I want, if I'm to write it, will not finish this podcast.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: And it's okay. Like, I. I want a lot of money because I want to retire my mom.
[00:06:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:45] Speaker A: You know, because I feel that my dad is old and I want my mom to spend more time with my dad.
[00:06:50] Speaker B: I want to live the baby girl life.
[00:06:53] Speaker A: Well, you are part of the things I also want anyway, you know, but obviously not to retire you and not. Not to even give you a baby girl life. It's like, nah, that's not part of what I want for you. Yeah, but. But that's the point. And so it ends with me. It's not because someone is having more. It's not because others are like you can end with you having a genuine reason why you want more rather than making it a competition with others or rather than feeling bad about wanting better and wanting more for yourself.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: And I think the other side of not feeling bad is also just questioning why you want more.
When we started this podcast early stage, we showed the mental picture of life that we threw away.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: The very common one.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: Checklist.
[00:07:38] Speaker B: Checklist. You know, we're going to show it on the screen actually I finished school. I finished. So our next step is this. So if that's the reason, right, why you feel stuck, it's okay to feel one more but also question why you want more. That's very critical because if you don't question and it's because of like to your point unnecessary of society or the checklist, you have to take or even pleasant in our. In our previous episode. Right. Then that's where the problem also is.
[00:08:06] Speaker A: So yes, you want more, but why do you want.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: Why do you want more?
[00:08:10] Speaker A: Right. And don't feel bad because you want more.
Again, it is up to you. But don't feel bad because you want more. But that's the beginning part. Like really there is also a point where I think that we get into the state of feeling stuck because we don't understand how things work in life. Like we don't pay attention to things, we don't learn more, we don't want to learn more. We don't want to add to our knowledge how things really work. And so we make things up in our head and then we figure out that that's not really how they work. And that's where the shortcomes. And now we are in it and we don't know how to get out. For instance, I don't know how marriage really works. I and I just say, okay, well, but I really want to marry. Maybe because of. Again we talked about escaping the people pleasing trap. Like maybe because I'm trying to, you know. Or exactly. Or maybe I'm this point I want to escape this state of being. I am which is the singleness. It's uncomfortable when people say that. Oh well, do you have a. No, I. I just feel uncomfortable. Like beautiful girl like you. It's like giving bed, you know, it makes it feel like I'm not beautiful enough. I'm not this, I'm not that. And so we, we try to escape that.
[00:09:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:16] Speaker A: But what happens is we get to this state, this place where now we. We have no idea what this is about, you know, I, I, I see a lot of things that we do.
Let me say this, and I'm hoping that people really take these words very seriously.
Nature, reality, life does not play by according to your plans.
See, it does not play by your goals. Nature does not respect your goals. It does not look at your goals and say, I' be what your goals want. I'm going to be what your desire wants. No, I'm going to be what your plans want. It doesn't care. It just doesn't. Nature is nature, reality is reality. You need to understand how things work and rather align yourself with them. Align your goals and your plans with them. You don't turn it the other way around. You don't expect nature to work according to your plans and your goals. And that's where we feel stuck. The frustration happens where when we kind of, we made these plans for ourselves and then we realize that's not how things work. And it's like, oh my goodness, like for instance, some, I once I had a lady saying some things. It's like, oh, I just want to really have all this kind of stuff. And when I'm like this and when I'm like 30 something and then I would just go this way and I'm just doing that and I'm looking like, say. Does she realize that there is a biological clock for women? Yeah, she doesn't. She's probably not even thought about it. She has no idea. She thinks she's always going to have her exact. She's always going to easily give birth. Ladies, no, that's not how it works.
Go check it out. You know, that's not how the world works. There is a time you are very fertile. There's a time that it's difficult to really conceive. And so don't just make decisions, you know, I'm just going to do this at this time. No, that's not how it works. You know, there's some people too that they say, I want to marry this kind of person. And this kind of person, great, that's fine. Do you know how it's like marrying people like that, you know, do you know how it's like who this person is? And so instead of trying to learn from people, even when we're in a relationship, we are so much in a hurry to marry, we are not learning. Instead of saying, let me just really learn about this person. Let me see who they are, let me see how things are. We're in, we just want the end of it, which is Mari, do you understand what marriage is? And so we get into it, and now we can get out, because maybe now we've all our properties are together, or now we have children and that's where we feel stuck. It's like, gosh, where am I going from here? Yeah, you were in it.
[00:11:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:52] Speaker A: You didn't understand how it works. Reality really didn't. That's why we go to school, by the way. So when I did economics, economics was just learning about how economies work. That's what I did. We go to school to learn how things work.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: So that we will not make those decisions. So that we will be careful with the things that we do. So that we can now think properly about the way this universe that we find ourselves is. If you don't do that, you know, and so sometimes, like, maybe in our discussions, we're going to make a decision and then I share with you, okay, this is how money works. This is how economies work. And, and, and, and maybe in a conversation, I have this vibe that you're thinking, okay, the market will work this way. I said markets are the same way. They don't play by your rules, they don't play by your desires. Like, you don't just say, I'm gonna buy it, and then I'll just go.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: And sell it in this order.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: That's not how it works. The market does not say, oh, you buy, you want to sell, fine. It's like, okay, I'm going to buy stocks. And then of course you can buy stocks, but the market does not say, I'm going to go up because you bought stocks.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: Markets don't work that way and just move by the announcement from someone and the markets can just come crash because.
[00:13:04] Speaker A: They don't just work by your desires and your goals. And so you've got to be careful with how you think things work. You need to get. In fact, we go to a whole school to learn these things. We people do all these kind of things to learn them. And so don't rush with decisions because a lot of the time we got here because we didn't understand how things work and we went ahead to make decisions anyway. For some people, they are fortunate. It works for them.
It's not always like that for everybody. You need to be careful in relationship. How does it work? Marriage, how does it work? This guy, how is he? This girl, how is she?
Try and understand it, try and learn it.
You know, in our relationship, majority of it was just trying to learn. And even now, it's always about trying to Learn together and trying to improve together. And because we just don't know how things work.
[00:14:00] Speaker B: Yeah. I think we cannot overemphasize understanding reality enough.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Right.
[00:14:05] Speaker B: And like you just highlighted, like, we need to understand.
Right. How we even got there because there are lots of decisions we all keep making. I've made several decisions in my life that it. I ended up somewhere, you know, the only way I could come out of it is for me to sit down and reflect that. Okay. Really? Indeed. It was a ABCD that got me here. I think most of the time talking with people. Even my life. Right. When I look at my life, there have been several times I felt stuck in ways and I'm not able to get out because I'm not even honest that it was ABCD that got me here. And I think that's one other area that people should be able to admit and say that, okay, this is what got me here. And that's where freedom and liberation will start coming. Coming in. There's been so many things that, for example, you are talking about relationship. People want certain things. You had maybe wonderful guys or girls, you know, then you are like, oh, I want this at this stage. I want that you let them go reality.
[00:15:06] Speaker A: Because we thought the way the world works is that guys will always keep coming.
[00:15:10] Speaker B: They will keep coming and they're always.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: Going to be there.
[00:15:12] Speaker B: Sometimes it's not like you will lose your beauty or you lose your how you look good as a guy, but you can't even have time to connect. You know, eventually sometimes some people, it will be like, hey, when am I even going to get time? Another time. So. Yeah, yes, of course. Course. For me, my biggest point is, yes, we are admitting that all those are the things that led me here.
[00:15:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:32] Speaker B: And we are going to talk about how you can get out of it.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Because I mean, the things that got you, obviously, the things that will help you get out.
[00:15:39] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: So like, you talked about honesty. I wasn't honest with myself. Well, of course that's why you got there because maybe you want this, but you told yourself, oh, well, it didn't matter. And then now you realize that it. It really matters.
Oh, me, I don't really like money. Oh, yeah, of course.
And I was like, oh, but are you sure? It's like, oh, yeah. Oh, of course.
Yeah. Because you were not honest with yourself. And so you got in there because you never really told yourself the truth or like, I didn't care about beauty is really not my thing. It's not true. Now you get in there, it's like, ah, like that girl is beautiful.
[00:16:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Like nobody, nobody put a gun and say, don't marry someone beautiful. You told yourself, oh, you know, for me, I just like tall girls and I don't really like it.
[00:16:25] Speaker B: You know, this is. I was recently talking to a friend. I know he will be watching, so he can attest to. He was asking me that by way, Grace, you've been married for seven years, almost seven years already. How do you put.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: Do it?
[00:16:36] Speaker B: Is it that you don't see any other beautiful, you know, woman or handsome guy? Like, how are you guys just, you know, because he's not married by today, he sees a joy and it's like, beautiful.
I was just like, I was like, yeah, you, you'll be able to, you know. But I think that's a very important point.
[00:16:54] Speaker A: Like, people never, they never tell themselves those things. And then now you get. So if you're gonna get out of that, it will definitely begin with being radically honest, truthful with yourself.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:07] Speaker A: What do you really want? Like, I don't know what I want? No, you do know what you want. It's like, stop that. You don't know what you want.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: But sometimes people really don't know what.
[00:17:15] Speaker A: They talk about that. I mean, when you're young, but as you grow at this point, you don't know what you want still, like, mom, dad, like, you really know what you want. So be honest with yourself. And that's, that's the point where, like, what got you there is because you are not honest. And like, we talked about reality. What also got you there is because you didn't understand how things work and you never learned enough.
That's also one of the things that's going to take you out because now you have to be honest with yourself and say, how does money work? Like, I really want to understand how it works. How do people. I'm surprised. People just don't know how money works. People don't know what is. What is compounding. They don't understand what is compound interest. Last two weeks I taught you, I was like, you are an accountant.
[00:17:56] Speaker B: I am an accountant.
[00:17:57] Speaker A: You don't understand compound interest.
[00:17:59] Speaker B: I, I understand it theoretically, but. Because I was telling you that.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: All right, but breaking down how it applies to our life, when you say.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: Oh, you get something small, I don't think we should do. You know, we're talking about it. And then we sat. You sat me down. When you went. People like, okay, if it's thousand dollars.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: And then now it.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: And then it do it theoretically, but.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: But you didn't understand how it works.
[00:18:20] Speaker B: In life and that's what happens.
[00:18:22] Speaker A: Right. And so we make decisions because we don't understand how things work. We can know everything. That's the truth. But at least the things that do matter to you, learn them. Yeah, we, we just bought a book on the five types of wealth which is amazing book and we will share more on that very soon and we'll recommend how you guys can get it.
But the beauty of it is just trying to say, well this is the life we want. And for those of you who have the general, you see the model, the effective living model that we developed. This is how these things work. And so let's learn about wealth, let's learn about health, let's learn about relationships, let's learn about working impact, let's learn about wisdom, let's learn about growth, mindset. Like these are the things that are important to me. I'm not saying go and learn about biology, but just try like if you're a woman, if you're a woman, try and learn about how your body works.
Just learn about it. I mean because sincerely people, I, I watched a video of Gabriel Union and, and it was, they asked, they asked her if she was like if she could go back and advise her young self, what would she say? And she said I'll tell her to freeze her eggs. And I was like, wait, what? Like, I mean that's eggs. That's the most upset. Well, not like absurd, but that's the most unexpected answer you could ever expect. But because she didn't know that at a point in time those were X wouldn't be there. And that is why now people are using surrogate and people are doing artificial insemination and all that because people just don't understand how things work. And we're not interested. We spend time scrolling, scrolling, scrolling watching WhatsApp, YouTube, Facebook.
[00:19:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:00] Speaker A: When you could just have a plan towards your learning and say, you know what, I'm just going to learn about the, the anatomy of. I've watched videos about how women body works. And so I try to say, okay, well this is why these decisions must be done this way. We've got to be careful in that way. And the last thing that we also talked about was just not like you talked about choices right now again you got in there because of your choices now that you know you're definitely going to get out.
[00:20:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: You know, because of your choices. And so that's the basic level. Now let's let's see what more we can add.
[00:20:33] Speaker B: I think for me the, the bedrock of this, especially when people have now sat down. Okay, that's what got me here is I would say before we even get into other things is.
[00:20:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Learn to forgive yourselves. Right?
[00:20:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Because I feel like sometimes some people will remain stuck because it's like ah.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: Some people full of regrets and guilt.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: I should have done this. I should have said yes to this guy. I should have, you know, taken this thing.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: In fact, some people even blame them because like if I was with this guy, maybe my life would have been different.
[00:21:06] Speaker B: Exactly. And some people even hold resentment towards.
[00:21:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: Some guys who maybe did ABCD when they themselves even saw the red flags and they decided to go with a guy. So either they, they don't forgive themselves.
I think that's one liberating aspect. You made the decision to maybe get certain things and you are stuck in so much financial difficulties. Just forgive yourself. That's the first thing.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: It will bring you so much energy to pursue the next steps. It will just liberate you.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: It's true.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:37] Speaker A: And. And the reason why you have to forgive yourself is because you're not God.
Like you're gonna get it wrong. And I mean you didn't know tomorrow and that's fine. It's like even if, like we just talked about understanding reality, you cannot always know how things will go. Like you can. Especially when the decisions are not in your hands. Like there's some things that you can understand. Like we just talked about the market. You, you don't control the market. These are people's decisions. You, you, you probably might have gone to take some money somewhere to go and invest in somewhere. You, you don't have that power. Like the way we think. We really overthink how powerful we are sometimes and, and we overthink how smart we are. We think like if I was smart, then I would not be wrong. No, you will be wrong. Like the lot of decisions that you're going to do and like, nah, that was stupid.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And sometimes too. Yeah. It's not always that you are wrong yourself, but sometimes you can't control like a guy. You can be, you meet a guy, a very informed decision and people can even change along the way so they can do things to you, they can hurt you, they can do not because you didn't. Or maybe the things you were looking at, the essential things about marriage or guy or whatever you were looking for was in that guy and at that.
[00:22:47] Speaker A: In that moment, something else.
[00:22:48] Speaker B: But then you Couldn't control.
[00:22:49] Speaker A: It's true.
[00:22:50] Speaker B: What their decision is true.
[00:22:51] Speaker A: I think.
[00:22:52] Speaker B: I think sometimes another thing, the most.
[00:22:54] Speaker A: Painful thing you can have in life is to, especially in relationship, you can love someone with everything in you and they may not love you back. That's how life works. And so whilst we talk about learning, one of the things you can also learn about is human behavior. Yeah, learn human behavior. When you do understand human behavior, it's easy for you to forgive. Many times we can't do that because like Jesus on the cross, he looks at these people, he said, father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. He knows that if they knew better, they would not do that.
And then he says that. And sometimes too, we are so stuck in looking at just the people that we don't see beyond the people. And for those of us who are Christians, this is one of the scriptures that I really love, especially when it comes to forgiveness, is when Joseph saw his brothers and he actually wept. They couldn't recognize him. And then he came back and he said something that I really find profound. He says, you meant it for evil. God meant it for good. In other words, your destiny is not completely in the hands of people the way we think. Like, we give people too much power than they have over us. The power they have over us is just what we have given them to have over us. Like if my auntie, my mother, my father didn't do this, if this guy didn't do this, if this has done this. No, that's not true. Yeah, Joseph said you guys really meant it for evil. Like, I'm not making excuse for that. Like we say, oh, maybe. No, no, no, he says, I'm not making excuse. I saw what you guys did. You really meant it for evil. You almost even wanted to kill me.
But you were not the only players in my life. And so for those of you who are struggling to forgive yourself and forgive others, one of the things you can.
[00:24:33] Speaker B: Do, companies forgive some companies.
[00:24:35] Speaker A: I mean, one of the things treated you terribly. Exactly. One of the things you can do is that human beings or whatever it is, don't have the final say in your life.
[00:24:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:44] Speaker A: If, if, if whatever thing happened, happened, God still will use that to glorify himself in your life. That's, that's the thing where you realize that it's not like I can't forgive you because I think it's all you. Joseph said, no, I can forgive you because it wasn't all you. Yeah, he said it wasn't all you.
[00:25:01] Speaker B: You.
[00:25:02] Speaker A: Whilst you meant it for evil. There was something higher that meant it for good. And so whatever the evil was doesn't matter anymore to me. And so I think that this might help people also.
Forgive yourself like you said. Like, that's really profound. Just learn to forgive yourself. Tell yourself, like, hey, you know what?
I didn't know much and that's fine. Like you shared something last Friday on becoming, you are becoming. You know you are becoming. So become it.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: Become it.
[00:25:28] Speaker A: Give the big room for growth for yourself. That's the thing.
Like, you don't expect to have known better. Maybe when you were 15. It's okay. It's part of what is making you who you are. Be grateful for that experience. That's why if you have the general. There's a part where we. In fact, we begin with walking through your life experiences and we ask you to practice gratitude because the pain is just because we can't see anything good in it.
[00:25:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: Joseph said, I'm seeing evil in your actions, but I see God in it. And he saw God, he saw good.
When he saw God, he saw good. When you don't see God, you don't see good. When you see people, it's like they are doing this. They are slandering me. They are doing this, they are saying this. They are disrespecting me, they are dishonoring me. I learned this and I don't care.
I don't notice this honor. You can say whatever you want to say. You can choose not to listen to what I say. It, it doesn't matter. Because if you knew better, you would do better.
Jesus said that on the cross. He said, forgive them because they didn't know better.
If they knew better, they would have done better. And so when you understand human behavior, when you understand this, you can forgive yourself even the more.
And I think one thing I will also add is, you know, many times we don't plan stuff like a lot of us hate planning.
And the reason why I'm saying planet is because when you plan things, you factor in different things and you actually do them in relation to time.
Many of the things that we think that we are going through right now is just because we don't have a plan. Like we can endure stuff if there is a plan. Like, because a plan gives purpose to our pain.
Let me say this again.
A plan gives purpose.
[00:27:11] Speaker B: Where are the handkerchief?
[00:27:16] Speaker A: I don't know how. I. It just slipped out of my mouth. It just came out. I. I didn't even think about it. It just came. Yeah, but a Plan gives purpose to our pain. Really. Like, I can endure if I know, like, why do you think we spent four years in school.
[00:27:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:30] Speaker A: When sometimes we could have had a comfortable life somewhere. Is it because I know that at the end of the four years, this is what's going to happen. Many times where we are is just because there is no plan, we don't have it. And so there is no purpose for whatever we are going through. And that is why we feel stuck. You can't have a plan for your life. Sincerely, you can and I encourage you to do that. If you have the general, it will help you and, and focus on the small wins because it's like, oh, there's nothing good about my life. Are you sure there's something beautiful about your life? Look at it again. Yeah, look at it. I mean, because you're looking at the big wins and you're missing out on the small win. So I do encourage people to plan and. And of course, what do I plan? Well, the general will help you look at some of these things, the things that matter to your life. Look at wealth, look at finances. It's like, I can go through many of us when we're in school, we're not earning and it was fine because we knew that afterwards we will earn.
[00:28:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:30] Speaker A: With whatever we are going to get. And so what is why we are able to go through stuff like that that we probably didn't enjoy doing is because we knew that at the end of it, this is what is going to happen. And that's what happens when you really plan well, you're able to say that, well, today I may be with my children or today I might be focusing on work, but it's not the end of the road for me. I mean, after this, this is what is going to happen. Or sometimes I might be going through a tough time right now and during.
But, well, my children are going to grow at this particular time. And then delayed gratification again. So you are able to have delayed gratification because, you know, at the end of the day, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: Planning is so critical. And I also add that when you plan, be very intentional and deliberate about following through. You know, I was talking to a friend on Friday and he was like, grace, no matter how you convince me, I'm not going to plan. You know, I'll live my life because when I plan, I don't follow.
[00:29:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:26] Speaker B: And I think we talked about in some of the episodes recently and I was sharing that I also had that Mindset, you know, I feel like, okay, I know what I'm doing today. I go to work, I do this, I do this. And I don't like to plan it right. But up until recently when we began this journey, trying to grow, trying to. And sometimes I have things in my diaries.
It's not that sometimes I'm following through 100, but just the. Because I have it now, it becomes is on my mind. I gave example in two, three episodes ago about even Bible study. I always, year on year I tell myself, oh, I want to grow. Here December comes and I've done nothing. But recently I'm getting pop ups. Oh, today maybe 15 minutes to your quiet time. Maybe sometimes I miss it. But then because we set it every day, please, we are giving a Bible study guide for free.
[00:30:18] Speaker A: So go ahead and get it, please.
[00:30:19] Speaker B: Get it for it's going to help. And sometimes I see myself even trying to catch up because like, oh, three days, you know, if I didn't plan at all.
[00:30:26] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:30:27] Speaker B: Then everything, life.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: And there's a structure, right? It's now giving structure to your learning. Structure to you, you know, because in January we started learning about parables.
[00:30:37] Speaker B: The parables, humility.
[00:30:40] Speaker A: And we talked about faith, you know, just learning about those kind of things.
[00:30:44] Speaker B: In April we talked about wisdom.
[00:30:45] Speaker A: And so you realize.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: Talking about the fruits of the spirit.
[00:30:49] Speaker A: Exactly. Because you, you realize that what we are doing is we, we are giving purpose right to our actions. The main reason why people don't plan is because again, the staircase thinking is there. Where the checklist stuff is like, I've gone to work. Take, take. But then it takes the essence of why you're doing what you're doing. It's like, okay, I won't plan. And then I just say, okay, Monday, I'm hungry, I'm gonna buy food. Come on. Yeah, like, and, and the funny part of planning is that it allows other people to fit into your life.
Without a plan, we can we. Because I don't know, like, how do we record if, if I don't know what you want to do.
[00:31:27] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. You know, you can't just come and let's record.
[00:31:30] Speaker A: But you can do that.
That's why when you went to school, the school didn't just say, okay, level 100, show up to class anytime.
[00:31:36] Speaker B: It will give you a.
[00:31:37] Speaker A: Because you are dealing with different people. So the lecturer must know what time to show up. The student must know what time and they have to know where to show up today.
[00:31:45] Speaker B: You are tickling me. You are just hitting things you're crazy.
Take the offering.
[00:31:51] Speaker A: You're really crazy. Like, but that's, that's really what happened, right? That's, that's what happened. And I get that people don't like to follow plans, but I, I, it's fine. You made the plans. Right. And if you don't, that's why you have to make room to track it. And I say to people that you don't follow plans when you focus on the big wins.
[00:32:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:09] Speaker A: Like five years, 10 years, 20 years. Now you can just break it down and say, okay, this week, this is what I'm doing.
[00:32:15] Speaker B: I'm doing.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: And then, and then this is how it will fit into a bigger picture.
[00:32:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:19] Speaker A: Or this is the bigger picture. And then bring it down to how I'm going to focus on the small things. And then what they call eat the frog. Just eat a frog. Planning also allows you to focus on something that is essential.
[00:32:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:32] Speaker A: Without a plan, you can't focus properly. You, you were looking at too many things. And we trust our brains too much. We think, so far as in my head, I would do it. That's not true. You forget all the time. You, you have all these kind of things. And so I have most of them on my watch. It just alerted me that I have a meeting in the next five minutes.
[00:32:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:50] Speaker A: And so I have to jump onto that meeting right now. If it, if I didn't have a plan for it, I wouldn't know it and I wouldn't show up.
[00:32:58] Speaker B: Miss out on events. So important things.
[00:33:01] Speaker A: I hope that our conversation today has really been helpful.
There's more we could share. We're going to talk about that another time. We talk about comfort zone and all that, but I know many of you are not comfortable right now, so there's no reason why I have to talk about, I have to talk about comfort zone. But we will do that. And so just whatever you're going through, however the situation is like, one of the things that you have to know is that things can change. That's the last thing that we're going to end with things can change. You know, things change in life, things change, people change.
Time people say changes, situations can change.
Your mind can change.
That's the truth. Things can change. You know, your brain can change. You can change, your mind, you can, things can change. And that is what gives us hope. Things can change. People can change. Regardless of how bad it is, situations can change. Oftentimes we feel stuck because there's no hope. When hope is gone, everything is gone. It's like, oh my God, this is all there's going to be.
No, no, no. Stop, Stop freaking out. Things can change sometimes in just a moment. Many of you are stuck in situations. There's no way out. You just don't know how things gonna go. Listen, one of the things I've realized is even for people who are very successful in life, is the element of luck that they do say. I mean, for us who are believers, we do know that God is true and real and that the hand of God is really there. And that's why we do encourage prayer.
Because many people just don't know how things work, though. They don't know. They just invested an amount of money and the market was good. It's like they just can't tell you. I'm serious. Many people can tell you how things just sometimes work out. I'm not saying it's always like that. But there is an element of, I call it grace. Other people call it luck. I call it God's divine hand according to his purpose and his plan.
Right. That is in it. And that you cannot really do much about. Don't think you have control over many things. Like you cannot marry a short woman and expect her to be a tall woman.
[00:35:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:05] Speaker A: It's not who she is. You cannot marry a black woman and expect her to be a white woman. Biologically, we are who we are. It means that there is what is natural and what is not. There's things that are beyond your control. You can't say, because I desire this, that's what I'm going to, to get. That's not true. You can desire it, but that is not what you're going to get. You can wish for it. That's not what you're going to get. There's an element of what we didn't make in life.
[00:35:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:32] Speaker A: There's still an element of what we can control in life. And, and, and stop being God to yourself and stop feeling God and think you've got to have everything under control and everything must be. And I'm gonna strategize, I'm gonna get out of it. Yeah, of course. That's a very good way to look at it. But you need to begin by realizing that many things in life are not always under your control. So all that we've said aside, there's still an element of grace in life, or lack, as people may call it. I, I is a, is a, I don't know how I, I, I don't believe that there's no luck. I Don't. It's not like I'm saying that there. Of course, if you don't believe in God, that's what you say. So you can say whatever you want to say. But what I'm trying to tell you is this. Regardless of your situation, regardless of your state now, how your things are going and how circumstances are and how you look and how you feel and you know all that things can change in a moment.
Things can change, I tell you, Absolutely. Times change, people change, the mind can change, life can change. And your situation can change. Thank you so much for sticking around. Go get our Effective Living Journal. It's on Apple, Amazon. This is how it looks. Very beautiful. It comes in three types, but this is the first one. Get this one. If you like it, then you can get making a discount, which is more like 365 days. Helping you plan your days and write and journal and write stuff. And you, you just, you guys are really going to love them. So go ahead and get them. If you're a couple, it will help. It will change your conversations. I promise you. Go get it. If it doesn't come for your money, just send us a mail. I'll give you back your money, but it will change your life. Sincerely. And go get our effective living systems os on our website, mygrowthclub.org and if you've not subscribed, go ahead and subscribe. It's been a wonderful time and we will be back here next two weeks. Thank you for being here, my baby girl.
And we're gonna catch you guys another time. Bye. Bye.
[00:37:32] Speaker B: Bye.
