Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to my growth club. My name is Emmanuel.
[00:00:03] Speaker B: And my name is Grace.
[00:00:04] Speaker A: We are your partner in growth and effective living. If today happens to be the first time you are watching our podcast or show, go ahead and subscribe. First of all, we want to say thank you. I have to do that, but I want to ask you for this favor. Go ahead and subscribe to our channel. We try to post every weekend content that will help you grow. We have been on this journey for a while as a couple. We've been married for a while. We have two children. We have had a lot of conversations, conversations on life and how we should live it. We've done a lot of research. We have a journal on Amazon called the Effective Living Journal. You want to check it out? Links also in our description. And then we have material notion systems that we built to aid people to live better. And so I think that we have something to offer here. Last week we started sharing some of our favorite quotes. One of my all time favorite as life is a process of becoming a continuous process of learning. Powerful. If you have not watched that video yet, I want to ask you to go back and watch it and come back and enjoy this one. Today we're going to share two more of them. You want to begin with the first one?
[00:01:11] Speaker B: Yeah. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change by way dial.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah. So powerful. So powerful. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And it's amazing how it works. And I have seen a lot of people in our world today caught in the way they perceive things, the way they look at things, the way they see things. And in their mind, that is all there is. There is a big difference between perception and perspective. Perception is the way you look at something, how you perceive something. Basically, perspective is to recognize that there are different ways coming from the same thing.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: And so when you begin to put yourself in the shoes of others and perceive it from their point of view, then you gain perspective. A lot of people have a perception and like we talked about last week, about beliefs that many of us think that so far as I believe something to be true, it is true. In fact, people even think that if I feel something, then it is true. It's like I, I just feel like, I feel like, I'm like, okay, I get you, I, I understand you. But the fact that you feel something does not mean it is true. And there are some people who think, oh, because I believe something, that's the same thing. With perceptions. People think that because I perceive something this way, that is all there is and it is true.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: And you know, one thing I've realized on this journey is that perspective is such a powerful thing, it can literally unmake someone and it can break you. Right. Because like you rightly said, sometimes because we perceive things in certain way, we don't even. Like we talked about last time, people, we should be able to test, you know, truth. Right. And when it comes to mindset, like today, you're talking about mindsets and perspective for this, this code. Right. It brings me back to a story in the Bible which I love so much because it clearly mimics what's having a right perspective or having a growth mindset looks like. Right. The story in numbers about when Moses sends 12 spies, 10 of them went ahead, came.
[00:03:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:33] Speaker B: With a report, and they said, oh, this is a beautiful land flowing with milk and honey. Right. But the, the people are, you know, like giants, you know, so immediately it's what. It breeds fear to people. Right.
[00:03:48] Speaker A: Obviously.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: Because now they are coming to talk about how they are perceiving what they went to see. So the, the milk and honey now becomes subtle. And then they are focusing on how.
[00:03:57] Speaker A: The giants were there who are going to stop them.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: Joshua go to the same place, they come back with the same report, but, you know, perceive it in a positive way. Yeah, right. Where they are saying that, okay, we can still go. We can still, you know, overcome.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: Yeah, right. And they see an opportunity in challenge. In that challenge. Yeah, right.
[00:04:21] Speaker B: And it's so critical because if all you, you day after day, all you are seeing in your life is the bats.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:29] Speaker B: Why we talked about limiting beliefs the last time. Right. The bath.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: So good.
[00:04:32] Speaker B: The challenges. I cannot do this.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: See this person, it's, it's literally destroys, I suppose. Okay. Can I be better? You know?
[00:04:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:42] Speaker B: Can I improve? Okay. This challenge came my way. How can I overcome it? How.
[00:04:47] Speaker A: What can I learn from.
[00:04:48] Speaker B: What can I learn from it? It's is so critical because I looked at. Of course, eventually we know what happened. In the Bible, the faith of the Israelites was determined by the by.
[00:05:00] Speaker A: And that changes everything.
[00:05:01] Speaker B: It changes everything.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: Powerful thing, really. Perceptions are coming from our mindset. The mindset that we have. And when people talk about developing a right mindset, I think this is one of the things that we kind of throw around very casually. Like everybody loves the idea of a growth mindset. Not many people develop a growth mindset.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Because really hard to have a growth mindset. Like, I always Say this, you want to know how to, how to know the mindset you have is to pay attention to the way you continue to perceive things, the way you feel about things, the way, the actions that you continue to. To take. Because if you have a growth mindset, the way you continually perceive something will be from the point of growth, from the point of opportunities, from the point of solutions, you are solution oriented.
I mean, if you are somebody who enter as a place and you always have a problem. Yeah, you don't have a growth mindset. No matter how, how you say like growth mindset, you just don't have it. Because anytime, no matter where you are, like if you are someone who in a relationship, you always have a problem, always this person has done this. You just don't have a growth mindset. And I think people need to be honest with them with that and say, you know, how do I move away from the place where I'm always looking for, for like I always see problem. I always feel. Yeah, like that. Like I always feel like there is, there's something wrong. How do I move away from there to the point where I begin to see the good you're doing? You know, in a relationship you will have a couple who is always saying, oh, why is this thing like this? Why is this thing? Why have you not done this? Why have you not been at this time? Why have you made this? Why have you almost every single time and then the other person hardly ever says anything. It's not because you're perfect. Is the different mindset that that is there. And I have shared this before, especially when we talked about the heartset mindset skill set problem. That you can deal with a heartset problem by having shared values, but you cannot deal with mindset problem the same way. You can only deal with mindset problems with communication, effective communication and teaching. Because what communication does is it brings perspective into issues. It's not just letting people hang on to their perceptions, but it brings perspective. It's allowing me to transfer my understanding, my point of view, my perception to you. And then it's the same for you. The problem I have seen especially for couples and for a lot of people is they are not able to effectively make that transfer. And so you feel something, you see something. There is a reason why you are mad. There is a reason why talk about them. Yeah, I mean you have to, I want to assume that you're a matured person, I guess talk about them, you know, have a way of communicating with such grace that people can be able to Hear there's a way you can introduce a bit of nuance into issues and then allow people to appreciate your perspective. Even if you're wrong.
[00:08:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:06] Speaker A: So we talked about beliefs being right and testing for truth. But even if you are wrong, it is okay. Because perspective is not necessarily about who is right or wrong.
[00:08:15] Speaker B: Who is wrong. Yeah.
[00:08:16] Speaker A: When we, you were in school, I don't know whether you did pre technical skills. I, I, even though a lot of women were terrible. I'm not saying all women. I mean a lot of women were. They didn't like the drawing.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: But, but then I, I think one of the things that I love was, was about elevations. You know, the front elevation, back elevation, top elevation. And it's, I think it's a very good thing about like it kind of communicates exactly what perception is or perspectives are.
When you look at something from the top, the thing is flat, right? And then when you look at something from the side, the thing is tall. And then when you look at it from like, say like the back, the thing could be this way. And so someone can say, well, this is what I see. And then someone can say, oh, well, it's actually flat. I don't see any problem at all. And then someone will say, no, it's actually a big thing. Like the example you gave about the giant and the people saw giant. And then people who are seeing it from the point of God has said it. So they're looking at from God's point of view, as in that so they're looking from top down. And so the thing is flat. Like these are giants, all right. But they nothing. It's like someone who's actually looking at something from space. Like look at these tiny little beings walking on earth. Like if you had to get out of space like the earth and move.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: All the way into space, just lose.
[00:09:37] Speaker A: Almost insignificant.
[00:09:38] Speaker B: Right?
[00:09:39] Speaker A: Like, exactly. Even when you said you see like what you can even identify them. But it's different when you are looking at something from down. Like if you, if you look at an airplane that is in the sky, it's a very tiny object. If the airplane is down, you know, both are true. If someone says the airplane is small and then another person says that the airplane is big, the question is, well, at what point are you saying that the airplane is big? If a child says, oh daddy, look at that tiny little thing is moving in the sky and he's never seen an airplane in person. Like I can say is, is not too small. And then the child will say, no, it is Small look at the airplane. It's just because of the way they are perceiving them. So I guess what we would say to everyone who is listening to us is that try and develop, you know, the right mindset for various situations. It's something you can easily do. Even right now, you can take a pen and a paper and look at various situations. For instance, when you see a problem, how do you look at it? How do you see it when you face a challenge, how do you see it when you are unsure about something, how do you perceive it? Like, how do you perceive these various situations? If you get our general, our Effective living Journal on Amazon, it's going to be much easier because we've kind of done all these exercises in there that will help you, you know, get through them easily. But, but even if you don't have it, you can just take a pen and a paper and just create a table and look at what is my mindset towards these various situations. For many people, a challenge is something that they perceive us. Well, I cannot move ahead. There is nothing I cannot, I can do, you know, I, I. Well, it's, it's, it's very difficult, and it's a problem I cannot overcome. And there are some people that say, oh, wow, there's a challenge. Oh, it's gonna be interesting. But you know what? At least, even if I do not get through it, I'm gonna learn something.
[00:11:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: And then they kind of approach it. How do you also perceive failure?
Many of us see failure as ourselves. Oh, like, if I fail, does it.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I'm gonna try again. I cannot, you know, you know, if.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: I fail, then what? Like, I failed at something and then this and that and this and that. There are people who don't have any negative feeling towards failure.
[00:12:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: I think that's equally terrible because sometimes that, that feeling of. Not like the feeling of not wanting to fail is what actually drives a lot of people trying to get like, to do some, some rule stuff in their life. I do not know how to put that, but a lot of times what you realize is the way we perceive failure in general is terrible. Is the reason why some people are unable to take action.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: I remember, I think this critical because I remember there was a time in my life I needed, I was taking an exam that I needed to retake it again. Right, right. I was crying. I was crying and I. Oh, my God. I put all this in and you were like, you said something to me, which anytime, even I'm taking certain things, it may not be necessarily exam, but I feel like, oh, it didn't go as I want.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:54] Speaker B: I now look at it from the angle you mentioned to me. You were like, yeah, okay, you didn't get it. You didn't get it because you didn't, you know, maybe understand the entire concept.
[00:13:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:04] Speaker B: You need to. Whatever you are, the paper you are writing you, at the end of the day, it will be.
[00:13:09] Speaker A: It's going to be useful in your life.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Exactly. That's okay. Maybe you are an economist. Right. People will expect certain things from you. You didn't get it because you, you may have not understood the entire concept.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:21] Speaker B: And because you'll be. People work like. It's like people will expect you to have certain skills. You don't just want to jump the gun. You need to. Then I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I got energy. I was like, oh, okay. It means that I need to like, it's not like do a true and poor pass and forget.
[00:13:39] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:13:39] Speaker B: Immediately the way I was even studying change. I was studying it from an angle where I feel like eventually people would think I have those skills. So it's not just, you know, some people are very good when it comes to exam. Right. And then they just maybe would pass it and all that. But now immediately, because of what you said, subsequent papers, I was learning it even from a. Not necessarily only to pass, not just.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: Reading in between, because there's no shame in that. And I think I get that in, in our context, especially in the African context. Anyone who has been trained in Africa, well, I, I wouldn't know that. So let me just say Ghana. Well, you could, you can say maybe the same for your country, but in Ghana, I. It's.
Well, I have to be careful. Let me choose my words carefully.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: The Minister of education comes for you.
[00:14:26] Speaker A: Yes. There's a part of it that is terrible, and the part is where it kind of insight competition. All right, fine, that's. There's no problem. But it's, it's. It's just a competition not to be better. It's not a competition to. It's an unnecessary competition with. Okay, I have to be fast. I have to do it first. I have to. I have to be this way first.
[00:14:50] Speaker B: I have to My friends.
[00:14:51] Speaker A: Exactly. And it's always about our friends. And so a lot of people don't know how to collaborate.
[00:14:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: Because there's a competition between. Well, I'm your. You are my mate. I'm your mate. I have to marry first. I have to do this first. I mean, if our competition was in a more positive sense where we compete in a more collaborative way, or we compete to rather fix issues, that would not even be a problem. But we compete to put each other down. We compete. It's like, I don't want my mate to succeed. I don't want this person that I know to succeed. And the other thing is what you are saying, which has to do with the way we actually see failure, is that even failure, like if someone is not able to get something at the first trial.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: The person thinks that I have failed.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: I have failed, I can do it. Yep.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: But I think that we need to. Exactly. We need to have a society where many people, of course, you have to strive for excellence. Yeah. There must be a balance. But then you also have to recognize that what is important is what you're learning, exactly what you are becoming, what you are becoming. I, we are so much caught up in being, being. I am like this, I am this, this than what we become. It's like, okay, so you always first and so what? Right? What is this? There's nothing. Okay, well there could be something inspiring about that, but. And so what? I mean, the situations are not the same. The circumstances are not the same. You're probably coming from a place where, or even the way we are biologically are not the same. And so people must have that kind of grace rather than feel that. Yeah, I didn't come from a home where I used to have all these books, all these resources. I didn't have ABCD like back in the university. The people that they would afford whatever material they needed, you know, in school or they would even join any club or group. And the people are able to, some, there are so many others who were just trying to get through school and trying to figure things out. And those people then feel like they are failures. They feel like, like maybe I didn't get an A. I didn't get this. I'm not justifying again, I'm not in any way justifying mediocrity, laziness. No, that's not what I'm saying. But what I'm trying to say is that the way you perceive failure must be a thing that you recognize. I'll give you an example. So this week SpaceX had, I think that one of their test, you know, their, the rocket, space craft or whatever they call it. And, and it blew up and there were people who were making fun of it and I'm like, okay, clearly these people have not built anything really good before because that's the way we think. It's like, oh, it blew up. But that's the truth. It will blow up before it becomes something that we all consider and be safe. So anything worthwhile that you're gonna do in life will require a bit of failure. Failure becomes the thing that. That pushes you closer and closer. The only way you feel in. Well, let me put it better. The only way you are at the state that you can say I'm a failure is when you give up.
[00:18:08] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:18:08] Speaker A: So far as you've not given up, you are not a failure. You might have failed, yes, but you are not a failure. You just have to keep improving. You just have to keep going. But do you perceive things that way or you are one of those people that see followers? No, I just kind of feel I cannot take it. Like, it didn't go well. Now I can't take it. There are some people also who don't like stress.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:32] Speaker A: You say like, if something is stressful, then no, it's like a bad life. Yeah.
[00:18:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: And so whenever they're going through, even in a relationship, whenever they're going through tough times, whenever they are going through, you know, tough moment, they feel like, no, everything has to be. It's like soft, soft life.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: Sometimes people don't even, you know, talk about what they are going through. Right. Number one, maybe even with each other or seek the help they want.
[00:19:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:00] Speaker B: Because they always want to portray that kind of perfection. And then they are dying inside.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: And I think one critical thing before we move on to the next with this mindset, Fixing our mindset is we or renting our mindset. Right. We've already established in the previous episode that most of the things, how we are today, the way we look at things, the way we do things, are mostly they've been shaped by certain experiences a lot.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: A lot of times.
[00:19:26] Speaker B: So sometimes some people, just by virtue of maybe the area you find yourself, there are some people that they are coming from families where no, maybe their head was bad. They have. I have friends whose parents are always encouraging and cheering them on, no matter the challenges they face in life. You know, so you see that those people are different.
Fine. You may not have had, like you were talking about, you know, people didn't have certain things in life and all that. Yes. And that's why you mentioned put it down. How are you viewing things? Try and write it out and see the areas you need to fix your mindset.
[00:20:01] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:20:02] Speaker B: Then you start rearranging. Because at the core of this, they've Been shaped by our experiences.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: It's true. And the other thing that I think many people also have to look at carefully is how you perceive suffering. A lot of people think that suffering is demonic. Suffering is. God doesn't like me. If I'm going through challenges and pain, it means that, you know something is wrong and, you know, especially for Christians.
[00:20:25] Speaker B: Yeah, but.
[00:20:26] Speaker A: But you see, you have to be careful with the way you perceive suffering. I'm not saying you have to be the next job. That's not what I'm saying.
There must be a good balance. But there was a way you should perceive suffering. Many people want some great things in life. They hate delayed gratification. They want everything now.
[00:20:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:45] Speaker A: You know, I want soft life now. Sometimes it might take. It might. I'm telling you, sometimes it might take a bit of pain to get that life that you want. They don't want that.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:56] Speaker A: It's like, oh, if we have to give up on some vacation right now. No, no. Look at these people. They're having so much fun in life. Yes. I'm not saying don't have fun, but there must be a balance. And that is coming from your perspectives or your mindset. It's the same thing with when someone wants to be in shape and they go to the gym. You know, I love it when they say, no pain, no gain. I love that, you know, because. No pain, of course, no gain. It's like, I don't. I don't want to put my body through that, but I want to be in shape.
[00:21:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:24] Speaker A: Especially for women. I want to look like this shape, and yet I don't want to be in the gym. That's the problem. And that's the thing I see in our generation, we. We don't like delayed gratification. We don't see. Exactly. We don't. We don't even want to make the sacrifices. Someone make sacrifice to do something. Why is the person doing that? Yeah, we want everything to be smooth now. And we think that if we got it smooth now, we will get it later. Especially if you were not born into it. People who were born into something like that, it's called inheritance. You know what inheritance means? It means someone suffered and you enjoyed it. And so if you are not like that, and you are. You have to build life from. From the ground up. You will have to suffer. You will have to go through some pain. You have to. I get it that it doesn't apply to everything, but you have to look at the way you perceive it. And that is why I always say this, that if you really want to learn to escape your comfort zone, if you have the general, there's a part where you do that we try to just tell you. Look at yourself in that kind of circle and ask yourself, like, ok, if I continue to stay here, I'm gonna die. Like the, like the four lepers. You, I'm gonna die.
[00:22:36] Speaker B: You need to stay.
[00:22:37] Speaker A: You get what I mean? The leper says, no, we, we will have to move. We just need to move. And who knows? Maybe God will turn your, your, the sound of your feet into a mighty army. You cannot continue to be in your comfort zone and expect growth and change.
[00:22:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: So that's something that I hope that many people. There must be a good balance for this. I know some people may be watching this and say, I told you, no, there must be a good balance. Sometimes there are some. There's a place for that. And that's why there's a need for, for planning effectively. Like, I'm not saying because you have to suffer. Suffering. You can be suffering to death and gain nothing. So that's not what we are saying. You have to be strategic. You have to be careful. But you also have to realize that the way you perceive suffering, the way you perceive failure, the way you perceive problems and challenges are things that require you to sit yourself and analyze your mindset, change your perception, try and have some kind of perspective, look at things from different angles. Then you can be able to get through some of the things. I've seen this in marriages where someone, maybe it's like, even for us, we have to make a decision, financial decision. And sometimes you are perceiving it only from the short term. I'm perceiving it from the long term. And I've seen this a lot for couples, really a lot of times, especially for the men. The men are looking at stuff from the long term, like, how is this going to benefit our family? Like 20 years from now, 30 years from now, the woman is thinking, oh, oh, but wait, no, like, not in a negative way, don't get me wrong. But many times women, well, I should stop this. I'm not going to. I'm going to take away the gender. I think it's true for both men and women. I apologize for that. But from my experience, okay, from. I wouldn't use my experience either. From everyone's experience, like, sometimes what you do have, I think human beings are like that. I will say that I think human beings are like that.
Even in a team, you can see people who are perceiving things from the short term other people are perceiving it from. And so that's why I always say the way we fix this is effective communication. How are you looking at this? I'm looking at this from this point of view right now. Okay. I'm looking at it from this point of view, and I think 10 years from now. And all of them are important because sometimes if I'm looking at things from 30 years, I might have to delay gratification. I love that word, really. You know, I might have to delay some things. I might have to make some immediate sacrifices. And if you're looking at it only from the short term, you might not see that, and you might not even appreciate the benefit of this decision right now, but it might be the best decision you've actually made.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: I think it's very important to highlight that, you know, we all have wonderful desires. When we're talking about the comfort zone, I was just thinking, yeah, we have wonderful desires.
[00:25:31] Speaker A: And a lot of them.
[00:25:32] Speaker B: A lot of them, we. We have, you know, a way we want to even see ourselves or be perceived, but we are not willing to make the sacrifice.
[00:25:41] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:25:42] Speaker B: I just want to look in the camera and reiterate that, yes, you may be comfy. Like Ethan will say, I'm comfy. You may be comfy. But growth never happens without a little stretch.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: It's true.
[00:25:53] Speaker B: That's why, you know, sometimes you go to companies and some people may be in a particular role, you know, forever. You know, they've not added any.
Maybe any extra learning, any certifications. They are okay. Especially.
[00:26:08] Speaker A: They're just there. Yeah.
[00:26:09] Speaker B: Just there. I get my salary and then I'm. I'm good. Right. But be able to. That's why we said, look in the general. Look at the areas that you need to improve. Which area do you feel like? Because, like I said, we have desires. We want to be perceived in a certain way or want to perceive ourselves or get to a certain height. It will not just come, like you said, without suffering. It needs intentionality. It needs us to be able to say that, hey, if I need to grow, I need to enhance. I need to be intentional. I need to be deliberate. I need to be able to say, okay, yes, going to pick an extra course. Or even when it comes to children spending time with, like you said, delayed gratification, you. You want your children to grow, to become certain way to. For them to have, you know, the right mindset to be able. Like Ethan, that has almost a why behind everything he does.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:58] Speaker B: Because I See you constantly engaging him. We are very deliberate about how we want him to be. Right. So if you, you want your child to be in a certain way, you cannot just be in your comfort zone. Sleep, not spend any time with a child, not be deliberate about what they are watching, what they are learning is very, very critical.
[00:27:15] Speaker A: It's true. Like, people just want stuff.
[00:27:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:18] Speaker A: But when you tell them to pay the price, that's where the problem comes. Like when you tell them, get out of your comfort zone, hit the gym, you know, don't eat around this time. Oh, give up on this kind of food.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: It's a mindset problem. Right. And the reason I'm saying that is I look at my life, right. So when we're in New York, I remember I used to. I said, I'll hit the gym and other things. And I gave the excuse that, oh, the gym is far away, it's cold.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: Now what made me know that, oh, everything is a mindset problem and it needs a lot of intentionality.
[00:27:51] Speaker A: The gym is like a minute away from you just. And you still not here.
[00:27:55] Speaker B: I still struggle. I see myself struggling. Meanwhile, I. That's my personal goal. To maybe look a certain way.
[00:28:03] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly, exactly. It could also be that sometimes these are just desires we've not really. It's like, like they're not really things. We just really, we just desire them. But, you know, there's a. There's a place where things are just a wish and a desire. And there are some things that become something that we really want. And the problem is, is that we, when we see people who pay the price, we're like, ah.
Like, this is the funny part, like you kind of envy or become jealous of someone who pays the price for the things that they really want. I remember back in school, I'm like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do this. Oh, okay. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this, everyone. Okay, go, go.
[00:28:40] Speaker B: Do.
[00:28:40] Speaker A: What are you doing? And people thought I was crazy. I'm like, you don't understand. You just kind of have the two at the same time. It's not possible. You need to give up on something to be able to do something. You have to go this way to be able to make this actually work. But as you grow, you need to understand how to bring balance. And the other thing that we're going to say on this one before we drop off is about how we all chase how we want to be perceived rather Than becoming, being. It's, it's so interesting. It's like I want people to perceive me this way. That's why women, for instance, will buy all kinds of things. Like you buy some things to make you look this kind of figure. And then when you take out, when you take out all those kind of things, then you will feel like, I know. Because we care about being perceived a particular way more than being a particular thing. It's like, like I want to be perceived as someone who is smarter and who is this and who is successful and who is good looking and who is this shape and who is this figure. But we don't want to be it. I'm like, if you want people to perceive you that way, just be it. No, you know why? Because in our mind, it's easier to fake it for people to perceive us that way than to you make it. At least this one. No one is trying to make it. They're not trying to make it. They're just faking it. Like, yeah, well, I wouldn't even call fake. It's like we just care about people perceiving. Like, how do I look? What do you think about me? It's like, if you really want to be it, just be it.
[00:30:10] Speaker B: Like, yeah, be it.
[00:30:12] Speaker A: That's the point. But I know that to be it, it takes a lot of effort, it takes a lot of sacrifices. And so in the general, there's a part where during the identity session, I, I challenge people to do this. Answer this question for yourself. How do I want people to perceive? Yeah, because when you begin to understand how you want people to perceive you, then you realize what you have anchored, your value on what you have anchored. And I tell you so. Some people say, oh, well, what's my identity? I said, well, you probably can hold on to that. What you need to figure out is how do I want people to perceive me? Because for many people, that's exactly what we are chasing. We want people to perceive us a particular way and that's what we are chasing. And we're looking forward and that's exactly what we have anchored our value on. For some people, I want people to be perceiving me as so smart. Yeah. And because of that, like, it's the reason why you feel the way you feel is the reason why you were doing the things that you're doing. Because you want people to perceive you that way. Some people too. I want people to perceive me as very successful, you know?
[00:31:17] Speaker B: Exactly. And then you take very good decisions that exactly affect you, affect your Family and all that.
[00:31:23] Speaker A: So we pay a lot of money to be in a particular figure, look at a particular way. And yeah, because it's all about how people will perceive us. It's not about who we are or, you know, what we really want to be. It's just about how we want people to perceive us. But I would just advise that if you care so much about how people perceive you, just be it.
Just be it. I'm serious. Like, yeah, like, I want us, I want people, like think about relationship, for instance. I want people to see that, oh, we are so much in love. Be in love. Like, I exactly just have a great relationship. That's. Can I, can I talk to you?
[00:31:57] Speaker B: A movie where the couple, you know, they are always fighting at home, but they are public figures. So when they go out, they are like this and then they do this. They just. What is wrong with you? Like, be in love.
[00:32:08] Speaker A: Be in love. Just be in love, folks. Just be. If you want people to perceive you as, oh, we have a great relationship, we are so much in love. Be in love, have a great relationship, have fun together. Like, care more about being or I guess I would say becoming than people perceiving you. Because perception is one thing and truth is a completely different thing. We'll be back next week to share more on this, but we want to say thank you, really for sticking around and listening to us. I hope you've learned something. Next week we're going to be back again. You can find our General Effective Living Journal on Amazon. The link is also in the description down below. Please go ahead and get a copy you're going to love. But also check our website, mygrowthclub.org for all systems and tools. You can find the book also there. And I think these tools are going to change your life. I promise you. They are things that have been built through years of conversations, deep conversations, research work, and you have no idea. I cannot even begin to describe to you what has actually gone into what we are providing to you guys. And so go check them out, find the links right in the description. And I want to say thank you and peace out. Thank you, my love, for this. We'll be back another time. Bye.
